Christiana Aretta writes a journal about food, photography, & toys.

I had a “brilliant” idea to write this recipe as if it were a Zork game. It started off well enough:

You are standing in a kitchen. An open door goes to the west. A window faces to the south. There is a heavy cellar door beneath your feet. Before you is a heavy butcher block table. On it are two avocados, a small jalapeno pepper, a tomato, a small onion, a lemon, and several cloves of garlic, a medium-sized Bowl of Pyrecks, a large carving knife and a nicely curved spoon.

> Cut avocado with knife.

You don’t have a knife.

> Get knife.

But I couldn’t sustain it. The only other joke I can think of to make about Zork is that you are likely to be eaten by a grue.

The whole point of the Zork post, which actually started as a Choose Your Own Adventure post, was that this guacamole recipe is an excellent base for further customization and experimentation. Some options are listed after the recipe – post your variations in the comments.

Guacamole

Ingredients

• 2 ripe avocados
• 1 onion
• 1 jalapeño
• juice of 1/2 lemon
• 1-2 garlic cloves, depending on your garlic-love
• 1 small tomato
• Salt and pepper

Preparation

1. Scoop the guacamole from its shell. Mash in bowl. Grate the garlic and add to the guacamole mess.
2. Chop the onion, jalapeño and tomato finely. You can add them to the garlic-guacamole mess as-is for a chunky guacamole or give ‘em a few spins in a food processor for a smoother guac. (I did this in the photo above).
3. Add lemon juice and salt and pepper to taste.

Pimp your guac with a little cumin or chopped fresh cilantro. Or, add corn and another chopped tomato for a veggie-er vibe. I sometimes use the juice of a whole lime for the lemon juice. Bacon, which is not so great on ice cream, is really tasty with guac too.

And now for some product placement:

Eat Xochitl White Corn Chips. They are incredibly tasty. If you’re a heavy dipper, there will be a period of technique adjustment to the thinner and more delicate Xochitl which may prove frustrating at times. You will be tempted to plunge the chip deeply into the bowl and excavate a hefty scoop of guacamole. Do not stray from your new path. Unlike heftier chips for the heavy-handed, Xochitl chips are designed for elegantly slicing through the top layer of guac/salsa/what have you. Think speed, not power and be patient in your practice. I assure you, the effort is worth it.

180/sec @f/11 ISO 200. Canon EOS 5D w/ 50mm macro and ST-E2 wireless transmitter. 580EX II manual slave at 1/8 power. Manfrotto 5-section super light stands with Adorama umbrella adapters. Tinfoil reflector.

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