Well, that sounds exciting, I thought. This year has been pretty boring – work, work, work, triathlon, work, work, triathlon, work, work, WORK – and total disaster cookies might just liven it up a little.

I made some modifications to the original recipe, mainly in the way the dough is mixed and then worked with. For the first batch, I used both Jolly Ranchers and Life Savers to get a broad range of colors. I abandoned the Life Savers in the second batch because they tended not to melt as evenly and, when they did melt, the colors were muddy and uneven. The Jolly Ranchers, while harder to smash, melted into lovely panes of brilliantly colored transparent candy “glass.” For the second batch, I also substituted Crisco for the butter and didn’t notice any change in the dough quality so if you want to make these without using any dairy products, you can!

Color Notes: A sack of “regular” Jolly Ranchers will give you green (apple), blue (blue raspberry), purple (grape), a pinky-red (watermelon), and red (cherry). If you get the “Passion Mix” Jolly Rancher bag, you’ll get two shades of pinky-red (fruit punch & strawberry), orange (orange), pinky-orange (peach) and a redder purple (raspberry).

Ingredients

• 3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 3 tbsps unsalted butter, at room temperature
• 1/2 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar
• 3/4 cup dark molasses
• 1/3 cup water
• 12 oz bag of Jolly Rancher candies

Preparation

1. To crush the Jolly Ranchers, segregate them first by color and then place each color group in a Ziploc bag. Close the bag and lay it on a dish towel with a cutting board underneath. Get a hammer and smash away until you have nice little crystals. In my experience, the Ziploc bag does end up tearing some so try not to completely pulverize the candy or you won’t be able to pour it out of the bag and into a little bowl. I generally got 2-3 rounds of pounding out of one small size freezer bag. Crush your candies and put them in little bowls separated by color.

2. Whisk together flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, ginger, and nutmeg in a bowl. In a large mixing bowl, cream the butter. Add the sugar and molasses and beat for 2 minutes. Add the dry ingredients in thirds. After the first third, add the water. Beat on medium or knead with your hands until a dough forms. Divide the dough into three balls. Flatten into discs, wrap in wax paper, place in a plastic bag and refrigerate for several hours. In my experience, the dough was still good after 5 days in the refrigerator but too dried out after 2 weeks.

3. Break off a ball of dough about the size below.

4. Roll it out into a rope about 1/4″ thick. I rolled the dough out on wax paper with just my hands – I didn’t feel a need to use flour.

5. Cover a cookie sheet with parchment paper. The original recipe suggested creating a template that you could lay the cookies on but I just played around with the rope until I made shapes I liked. Pretend you’re back in art class in 2nd grade and your teacher had just given you carte blanche to make whatever you want with clay. You can create a loop to hang ornaments by pinching it off a tiny piece of dough and rolling it out and then attaching it in it a hoop. Or you can work the loop into the actual shape of the ornament (as you can see in the blue heart below). Lay your ornaments on the parchment paper.

6. Once you’ve filled up the cookie sheet with ornaments, fill in the outlines with candy pieces. Don’t be skimpy with the candy – put it enough to thoroughly fill in the outlines (Resist the urge to heap it high though – it will flow over the gingerbread and you’ll have to break the hardened overflow edges off the final cookie.) Place the cookie sheet in the center rack in the oven. Bake for about 8 minutes, or until all the candy has melted.

Candy-Melting Note: If you have created a small shape (say, one 1/2″ in diameter or less), there is a good chance that the candy will get too hot and bubble out/evaporate. I’m not sure why this is but it happened several times when I made small or narrow spaces.

6. Remove the cookies from the oven and let them cool on the cookie sheet until the candy has hardened enough to be moved easily, about 10 minutes. Transfer to racks or a cutting board to cool completely. Be sure the cool the cookies on a flat surface or they will cool curved.

7. Don’t eat them! Thread a ribbon or string through the cookies and hang them in a window or on the tree. Or from the nearest light fixture.

And if you happen to break any, they make swell ears:

Unless, of course, you’re talking about making 7-Layer Bars (thanks, Meagen Ryan!) a prerequisite for a birthday party. That is definitely a lifestyle change everyone should embrace.

The party was definitely Midwestern, all the way from the contributed food & drink – Steve Mandzik’s strawberry, almond leafy greens with vinaigrette, Jenn Bonsall’s homemade marshmallow fruit salad, the aforementioned 7-layer bars, chocolate and lemon cakes, countless sausages and hot/chicken/tofu dogs, buns, and condiments in addition to beer and vodka lemonade courtesy of Matt McNabb – to the the Midwestern cookbook our neighbors brought Wayne as a present.

In addition to literally bringing home the bacon (to wrap the hotdogs in, of course), I committed myself to four dishes: green bean casserole, potato salad, something involving Jello and Kool Whip, and Mac-N-Cheese cupcakes. Here’s my postprandial redux with recipes:

1. Green Bean Casserole

During the research phase, I spoke with a fair amount of Midwesterners and they all agreed that this is pretty standard party food. The basic ingredients – milk, one can of Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom soup, and green beans – definitely didn’t stir up as much debate as the topping. When one of my choir mates suggested potato chips for the topping, another looked at her as if she had just suggested topping a California roll with peanut butter. I was intrigued but I do love me some fried onions.

Ingredients

• 1 can Campbell’s Condensed Cream of Mushroom soup
• 4 cups of green beans
• 1/2 cup milk
• 1 can of french-friend onions
• salt and pepper to taste

Preparation

1. Cook the green beans and set aside in a strainer. Whisk the soup and milk together until smooth in 1 1/2 qt baking dish. Add the beans and 2/3 cup of the french-fried onions. Bake for 25 mins at 350°F.
2. Sprinkle another 2/3 cup of the french-fried onions evenly over the top of the cooked mixture and bake for another 5 minutes, or until the onions are lightly browned. Best served warm.

2. Potato Salad

I’m kinda picky about my potato salad – I don’t like crunchy stuff in it (unless it’s bacon) and I’m not a huge fan of vinegar. I tend towards things involving dill and some mayo/lemon juice but I was committed to making something Midwestern. I started with this recipe because the author shares the same Germanic/Irish background that Wayne does and ended up modifying it as below.

Ingredients

• 2 lbs red potatoes
• 2 small onions
• 2 cups mayonnaise
• 3 tbs mustard (from a jar, not the spice)
• 1/3 cup cider vinegar
• salt and pepper, to taste

Preparation

1. Boil the potatoes until just done. Set aside to cool and drain. I leave the potato skins on (Cue the voice of my grandmother: “It’s where all the vitamins are!”) but you might feel otherwise. If you really can’t stand the idea of eating potato skins, it is much easier to slip them from their skins AFTER they’ve been cooked. Once cooled, place in a big bowl and break into chunks with a fork.
2. Chop the onions finely. Saute in some oil (or my favorite, bacon grease). Once cooked, turn off the heat and mix thoroughly in a bowl with the mayo, vinegar, and mustard. Coat the potatoes evenly and add salt and pepper to taste. Serve warm. Also tastes great from the fridge

This was hands down my favorite recipe of the day (that I made). Since I expected a couple of vegetarians at the party, I left out bacon but I have plans to make this again with sauteed bacon and onions. Very definite plans.

3. Jello Molds

A couple of years ago, I found an Easter egg mold for Jello and Wayne and I made some striped Jello eggs for his parents one year. It must have left quite an impression because what should I find under the Christmas tree this year but 3 Halloween-themed Jello molds – an anatomically correct heart, brain, and a tray for Jello eyeballs. Spiffy!

Fortunately, I didn’t have to wait until Halloween to use them. I will confess that I didn’t oil the heart mold before pouring in the Jello and ended up completely ripping the first heart in half trying to get it out of the mold. The second one turned out just fine. Definitely go for the jiggler version of Jello instead of the straight up Jello – your body part will hold its shape much better.

The super cheesy part of making a heart and brain Jello mold for Wayne’s birthday was that I got to tell him I love him with all my heart and mind. Awwwww….

4. Mac-n-Cheese Cupcakes

When I went through a big cupcake phase last year, I spotted this this recipe for Mac-N-Cheese cupcakes on Bake and Destroy and filed it away for a rainy birthday. Or a sunny birthday, as it turned out to be. I cheesed out* and went the Jiffy corn muffin mix route due to my demanding pre-birthday preparation schedule but given the feedback, I’d definitely be up for trying them again with a nicer corn muffin base.

Disclaimer: Being allergic to milk, I didn’t have one of these myself. I will say, however, that they didn’t last very long.

*Yes, that was a deliberately bad pun.

I strengthened a lot of old friendships and made some new ones, grew (and ate!) a lot of my own vegetables and herbs, did my finest work to date, participated in my first photography exhibition and presented about teaching in Japan to three very different audiences in DC and Maryland.

I started singing again, signed up for a triathlon and fell in love with cycling again. I babysat a greyhound, participated in a focus group about running a small business in DC, had a complete screaming fangirl moment with Joel Salatin and watched our first African-American president take the oath of office from the National Mall.

2009 was a really bad year for me too:

I struggled financially, lost repeatedly to personal demons, questioned my work and my focus repeatedly, railed bitterly against the Gods Insensitive and Unfair, and cried over love and friendship lost.

2009 was a year that forced me to lose some independence, to rely on others for guidance, for help, and for reassurance. For everyone who lent me an ear, bought me a meal, passed my name onto a friend, offered a kind word or an honest critique, I am eternally grateful. I needed all these things so many times this year – more than I care to admit and you were always there for me.

I’m sure you were just in it for the food but I appreciate it nonetheless ;)

I hope that I was there for you when you needed me and that I’ll be there when you need me in the future. I hope you’re celebrating this last week of 2009 in whatever way makes you happy and I wish you all the best in 2010!

It’s a pretty versatile recipe – two years ago, Wayne used it to build a scale model of his parents’ farmhouse in Michigan. Last year, we got ambitious and designed modern art interlocking sculpture cookies. In the middle of July this year, I was struck with a vision of Tetris-shaped gingerbread cookies.

Side Note: I was lucky to have this idea in the middle of July because it gave me exactly 5 months to procrastinate, pretending to look for Tetris cookie cutters online and then 1 week to infect my crack cookiecutter engineering and production team with a nasty stomach bug. Fortunately, it was easy enough to lure unsuspecting cookie production staff to the house with promises of homemade chicken stew, apple cider, sugar cookies, SomaFM’s Xmas in Frisko, and Apples to Apples.

Ingredients

• Dough
• 2 1/4 cups unbleached all purpose flour
• 1 teaspoon ground ginger
• 1 teaspoon ground allspice
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature
• 1/2 cup (packed) golden brown sugar
• 1/4 cup mild-flavored (light) molasses
• Glaze
• 3/4 cup half and half
• 1/3 cup (1 ounce) juniper berries, lightly crushed
• 1 pound powdered sugar
• Assorted decorations (colored sugars, nonpareils, and dragées)

Preparation

1. Whisk first 6 ingredients in medium bowl. Beat butter and sugar in large bowl until fluffy. Beat in molasses. Beat in dry ingredients. Gather dough; divide into 4 pieces. Shape into disks. Wrap; chill at least 2 hours and up to 2 days.
2. Preheat oven to 350°F. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment. Roll out 1 dough disk to 1/8-inch thickness. Using 3 1/2-inch cutter, cut out cookies. Transfer to sheet. Gather scraps; chill.
3. Bake cookies until almost firm in center, 12 minutes. Cool on sheets 2 minutes, then cool on racks. Repeat, using all dough. Store airtight at room temperature up to 3 days or freeze up to 2 weeks.
4. Bring first 2 ingredients to simmer. Cover; chill 5 hours. Strain. Place powdered sugar in bowl. Whisk in half and half by spoonfuls until glaze is spreadable. Frost cookies; decorate. Let stand until glaze sets. Store between sheets of waxed paper in airtight container at room temperature up to 3 days.

Yukata & obi: model’s own. Hair accessories courtesy of Scunci. Lipstick by Revlon. Facepaint found under a bush.